I think I'm hooked on the god channel. it is endlessly fascinating and entertaining! after David's story last night and the myriad valuable lessons learned from it, I had another great program in store!
the great Benny Hinn's (every time I hear his name I think of Benny Hana...chinese anyone?) personal physician of 20 years, age rejuvenation specialist (or something like that...he was botoxed and nip-tucked out of his mind) Dr. Don Colbert and his wife Mary (no botox there...good for her!) had a nice televised sitdown, which was a thinly veiled attempt to hawk one of his books, I think. But that's neither here nor there. The topic was the obesity epidemic in the church. Apparently some scientists at Purdue University did a study and found that churchgoing folks are heavier than the godless heathens who can think for themselves outside the church. (these scientists need to get a life, obviously. um, I think we are still waiting on the cure for cancer, so why not devote your energies to that instead? great!)
Dr. Colbert went on to say that christians are supposed to be shining epistles of christ (just looked up epistle on dictionary.com and that statement doesn't entirely make sense to me, but I think I see what he's getting at), but instead people look at all the gluttonous christians (his words, not mine) and see a sick and diseased church, which essentially turns people off. Then he quoted some verses from Numbers wherein these fatties ate 20 bushels of quail and then god proceeded to set his sights on striking down the gluttons. He said that Christians believe it is wrong to drink and to indulge in almost every other way, besides with food, so that is at the root of this problem. The church needs to address it, he says, because gluttony is as bad as drunkenness.
Now, I have a slightly different theory. I think that in a lot of cases, the type of people who so ardently devote themselves to religion tend to be insecure people who are emotionally unfulfilled in other areas of their life, so they try to find solace in other mindless activities, such as unquestioning worship. They medicate themselves with whatever is available, and if religion isn't quite hitting the spot, then they turn to something else. Food, for instance.
Friday, August 31, 2007
hypocrisy in action
This lovely beast belongs to what I somewhat fondly refer to as "the god channel"...and this evening I somehow got caught up in a little doohickey about King David on here whilst channel surfing. Now, I gotta be honest here. I was tuning in just for the smiting. But let me tell you what I learned before we get to the smiting.
First of all, I don't know many specifics about the bible, and quite frankly, I don't mind keeping it that way. But in just under an hour of watching this fascinating rendering, I learned several things:
-Apparently David wrote the 23 Psalm ("the lord is my shepard..." yada yada yada);
-I'm guessing he's the David of "star of David" fame;
-He's the David of David and Goliath fame;
-He's god's chosen one, which ties in directly with my next point: smiting.
Now, our good king David gets it on with urias' wife bathsheba (who had a dreamy peaches and cream complexion and perfect bouncy sorta sexy bedhead curls, btw...)
*** Adultery, strike #1 ***
Next, he abuses his power and sends urias into battle and orders his evil henchmen to basically make sure he gets killed.
*** Ordering a hit/murder, strike #2 ***
So the land is beset with a drought, which causes famine and hardship and suffering, whereupon king David's loyal subjects (led by this hippie shit named Nathan who was convinced god spoke to him) promptly turned on him and accused him of all these wrongdoings, rightfully so. Long story short, David goes to the tabernacle where he talks to this huge chest which represents god somehow (isn't that like false worship or something? amazing all the inconsistencies....) and basically dares god to smite him. Right to his face, mano y mano.
Now, being the harsh and anger-management-challenged old testament god, I expected him to make David a stain on the tabernacle floor at any second. But no. God, that old softie, made it rain instead, ending the drought! and what's more, king David and that adultress whore bathsheba lived happily ever after!
So, moral of the story? I learned that according to the Christian code, apparently, not only can I murder someone, or at the very least order a hit on them, after having an affair with their wife, and all I have to then do is pray to an inanimate object of my choice, and voila! I'm good to go, no smiting in store for me! Aint it grand?
At least if I'm the "chosen one"....otherwise my ass is goin' to HELL!!!!!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Terrible.....
Looks a lot like Bambi McBimbo...It even has my RIMS! that NEVER happens! Little too close for comfort.....is it warm in here?
WAAHOOOO!!
TEXAS TITTY BAR, Y'ALL!!!
(DISCLAIMER: This is a GIF file so there is supposed to be animation, which is way funnier than the still shot, but for some reason when I upload it, it uploads as a PNG so buh bye animation :-( If you wanna see it as it was intended, just email/text/pm me...)
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