hypocrisy in action

This lovely beast belongs to what I somewhat fondly refer to as "the god channel"...and this evening I somehow got caught up in a little doohickey about King David on here whilst channel surfing. Now, I gotta be honest here. I was tuning in just for the smiting. But let me tell you what I learned before we get to the smiting.

First of all, I don't know many specifics about the bible, and quite frankly, I don't mind keeping it that way. But in just under an hour of watching this fascinating rendering, I learned several things:

-Apparently David wrote the 23 Psalm ("the lord is my shepard..." yada yada yada);
-I'm guessing he's the David of "star of David" fame;
-He's the David of David and Goliath fame;
-He's god's chosen one, which ties in directly with my next point: smiting.

Now, our good king David gets it on with urias' wife bathsheba (who had a dreamy peaches and cream complexion and perfect bouncy sorta sexy bedhead curls, btw...)
*** Adultery, strike #1 ***

Next, he abuses his power and sends urias into battle and orders his evil henchmen to basically make sure he gets killed.
*** Ordering a hit/murder, strike #2 ***

So the land is beset with a drought, which causes famine and hardship and suffering, whereupon king David's loyal subjects (led by this hippie shit named Nathan who was convinced god spoke to him) promptly turned on him and accused him of all these wrongdoings, rightfully so. Long story short, David goes to the tabernacle where he talks to this huge chest which represents god somehow (isn't that like false worship or something? amazing all the inconsistencies....) and basically dares god to smite him. Right to his face, mano y mano.

Now, being the harsh and anger-management-challenged old testament god, I expected him to make David a stain on the tabernacle floor at any second. But no. God, that old softie, made it rain instead, ending the drought! and what's more, king David and that adultress whore bathsheba lived happily ever after!

So, moral of the story? I learned that according to the Christian code, apparently, not only can I murder someone, or at the very least order a hit on them, after having an affair with their wife, and all I have to then do is pray to an inanimate object of my choice, and voila! I'm good to go, no smiting in store for me! Aint it grand?

At least if I'm the "chosen one"....otherwise my ass is goin' to HELL!!!!!